Boundaries

The Colorado air is growing colder and the leaves are turning their familiar gold color, signaling the beginning of fall. Standing before a large, 5 foot square fire pit, I noticed how children played all around it without a care in the world, intuitively knowing they were protected by the rot iron fence. Mesmerized by the flames, I thought about how that fence created not only a sense of safety for them, but comfort and warmth for me.

During a recent trip to the zoo with a friend, in the reptile area, there was an extremely large boa constrictor coiled up against wall of its cage. A tiny girl bounced up next to me and calmly placed her hand on the glass. Her Daddy smiled and said, "he's almost as big as you are!" I immediately thought about how quickly he could devour her as a tasty appetizer. That glass represented the same feeling of safety as the fence around the fire.
 
Imagine the utter hysteria of both scenes without the rot iron fencing and the glass boundaries. I would be among many frantically sprinting to nearest exit!
 
A study was done at an elementary school playground where children played all along the fence. The fence was removed to see how the children would react, assuming they would run amuck. It turned out just the opposite. They actually played closer to the school building. Without a sense of security they instinctively pulled closer to the only thing that did represent safety.

Emotional boundaries, are much the same. Lacking boundaries all these years not only jeopardized my emotional security, but those around me as well. Always wanting to please, I was unable to say ‘no’. Eventually, I found myself being taken advantage of (understandably), because people didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t. I also held grudges against them later. And of course, because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, kept those grudges bottled up inside.

I am finally discovering that having boundaries in place is critical to our emotional health and well-being and that without them we are literally like fish out of water. If the container’s gone – or even “cracked” – we eventually end up flailing and gasping outside of our intended environment.
I am finally discovering that having boundaries in place is critical to our emotional health and well-being and that without them we are literally like fish out of water. If the container’s gone – or even “cracked” – we eventually end up flailing and gasping outside of our intended environment.

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